“There are 3 sides to every story, your side, their side and the truth”
Often times, we are told stories, reports on how things were done or how people were treated. As we listen, we tend to believe wholly what the person speaking is saying and we tend to make judgements based on that. As a result, we act on what we’ve been told, which could be irrational or biased most times.
Being humans, we are likely to tell stories or report something with sentiments and assumptions attached (only professionals try to avoid reporting with sentiments but regardless) and that’s normal. So when someone is telling his/her story, they have a tendency to tell it the way they perceived it to have happened. They explain how they felt, what it made them feel, what they thought someone was inferring, try to justify their actions and so on. Basically, they just tell you the story and explain themselves to you in the process. They tell you why they did what they did. Those of us that listen to them are most likely to understand. So we usually conclude that the other party involved was at fault somehow and often times it affects our judgements.
The truth is, the other party involved also has a story and perhaps if you listened to it, you’ll understand why such party did what they did to your friend. In other words, you get to see the bigger picture.
The best or most genuine side of the story is the one from someone who wasn’t directly involved but witnessed it all. That person usually tells it as it is, from an objective point of view with no bias or sentiments.
I believe there are two(2) things that hurt our relationship with people (whether spouse, friends, colleagues, etc.). They are miscommunication and misunderstanding.
These two cause a lot of harm in many relationships”
I say something and it hurts you. You get angry and start keeping malice. I know you don’t want anything to do with me, so I will also have nothing to do with you.
What just happened there? Misunderstanding and miscommunication.
How? I probably didn’t mean it the way you interpreted it, so you misunderstood me and I also miscommunicated. Also, you refused to discuss it with me and I saw your change in attitude and didn’t talk to you about it. That’s miscommunication. You could have told me, “Look, I don’t like what you said” and probably I’d be like, “I didn’t mean it that way” and explain myself more.
I can go on and on, giving examples of misunderstanding and miscommunication but that is a post for another day. Here’s all I’m trying to say:
- When you hear a story, report or whatsoever and you are to make judgements, always have in mind that there is a second or third part to the story.
- Never make judgements based on one sided story, except you intentionally want to be biased (maybe because you feel your friend would appreciate you supporting them and you want to make them feel better).
- Speaking about friends, we should learn to tell our friends the truth about any situation and we can do that gently. We don’t have to be harsh but just let them know. It doesn’t even have to be at once but you still should let them know.
- If you are to make judgements, get the full story and take an objective view point. Don’t let sentiments and bias cloud your judgement.
- As we are carried away with what someone did to us, we should also try to understand things from their side too.
- Let’s not be afraid or proud to admit that we have wronged someone and we should learn to apologize too.
What do you guys think about 2 sided stories? What other things do you think it’s important to note?
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