Day 8 of a lesson each day for 100 days

It’s exactly 11:03pm and I’m yet to pen down something for the day. This is not because I have nothing to share but rather I don’t know how to articulate what I want to share.

Usually, by this time, I’d be going over what I have written or the post would be sitting pretty waiting to be scheduled.

So what have I decided to do? I decided to start by saying all these you’re reading now, perhaps articulation will come.

Here’s a question: What makes you not tell your close or best friend something about you or something you know is worth sharing with each other, especially something you need help in?

I remember this friend of mine who did something she wasn’t proud of and she specifically told her friend not to tell me because I’d judge her and would be disappointed in her. When I found out what she did, I was surprised and wasn’t happy but when I heard that she specifically told her friend not to mention it to me because I’d judge her and would be disappointed, it really hurt me.

It wasn’t even the ‘disappointing’ thing she did that hurt or made me feel bad, it was because of what she told her friend.

As usual, I started overthinking and I felt so bad. Is it that she didn’t trust me? Is it that I always appeared perfect that she felt I’d just judge her? Is it that I was judgy? Do I appear that way? I tried to understand.

In the end, I realized that it might be how I behaved; came off and how I would respond to her that gave her that notion. Secondly, it was more about her than me.

You see, maybe she was too ashamed that she couldn’t bring herself to share with me. Maybe she thought I’d never see her the same way. Maybe she was scared generally of how things would be after. What’s amazing is that she still doesn’t know that I know and that ‘disappointing’ thing she did hasn’t really changed how I see her. I only wish she would have been more trusting.

Do you ever want to tell your friends something but you feel they will judge you? Do you feel like they are tired of hearing the same thing about you over and over again?

Do you think it’s how they behave? How they talk? Or the fact that they’ve been telling you the same thing over and over again that makes you not want to share or get help from them?

Maybe. But maybe it’s more about you than them.

Well, ever since that incidence with my friend, I’ve tried to show that I’m open and friendlier (because you’d think your friends should know that you’re not judgy but sometimes they don’t know or maybe it’s about them).

I’ve also tried to put things in a nicer way. Anyone who really knows me knows I’m blunt and don’t sugar-coat things. It’s caused problems for me in the past and it’s one of the reasons I am quiet most times. I don’t want something offensive to people to come out of my mouth without me knowing so it made me conscious also. When I’m aware, I try to add sugar to things I say but sometimes, my true self comes out. I’m also grateful to my friends that know me already and understand that I’m not being spiteful or something, I’m just talking the way I’d normally do.

I’m also trying to show more care to my friends because I come off as aloof (I’ve been told severally) and I know some people like to see a little bit of care so I’m learning how to respond to situations in a way that shows I care. Deep down, I do care but for some reason, my body or countenance doesn’t act appropriately.

Now, talking about the other side. If you feel you shouldn’t let your friend know about something because you think they’ll judge you or be disappointed, etc, I think you should have a little more faith. The person is your close or best friend for a reason. If the person doesn’t have your back, the person shouldn’t even be that close to you.

What am I saying? I know it’s hard but trust that your friends love and care for you and they’ve got your back (I’m aware of backstabbing friends sha). Wouldn’t you rather tell your friends so they can find a solution with you and help you? They might not be happy with your choices because they are human but trust that they got you.

Don’t go too deep in trouble before seeking help. Your friends are there to help you. Friendships are a godly thing, God loves friendships and they are there for a reason.

In all these, when I say friends, I’m not talking about aquaintances or colleagues, I’m talking about your real friends you share things with. Friends you’ve been through things with. Yeah, that one.

So, I think this is how best I can articulate this. Today, I was thinking about saying something to a friend even though it’s something we’ve talked about and concluded and I just felt maybe she’ll shut me down (cause it’s tiring) or she’ll judge me but I gotta have faith right? I gotta trust. Besides, who better to see you in your worse state than your family and close friends?

And to all my friends, I got you ❤️

Guess the time? I just scheduled this at exactly 11:50pm. I’m glad I made it before 12am.

Please share your thoughts in the comment

3 Comments

  1. Genevieve said:

    I think why I wouldn’t share a personal thing with someone is because I don’t want the person’s perspective about me to change or I simply don’t want any other person to know.
    And i think also that it takes a level of trust for people to be able to confined in you

    June 9, 2020
    Reply
    • Odinakachukwu Ndukwe said:

      You’re right about trust and also about not wanting the person to know. I think if you trust that your friends care for you, you can tell them regardless of how messed up you think what you have done is. I also feel sometimes we don’t tell our friends even when in our hearts, we know we are to tell them because we did wrong. I think that’s different from not telling because you feel you shouldn’t tell. Thank you for your contribution 🤗

      June 9, 2020
      Reply
  2. Favour said:

    I feel sometimes, if you don’t want to tell someone about something you did because you fear the person may be disappointed in you, ten it’s probably because you know that you did something wrong. It’s almost like how when we do something we’re not meant to do and we don’t want to tell our parents because we know that what we’ve done was wrong and they’d be upset with us.
    Now, does it mean we should not tell them? Should they, because they want to be supportive parents, pretend like what you did wasn’t wrong? Or do you think they’d love you less because of it?

    Sometimes, I think it’s just our fears. Sometimes, if it changes the way the person sees us, then I think that’s part of life. Sometimes, the person just needs a little time to adjust to the information.

    On the other hand, it could be you putting yourself out as perfect or ‘judgy’ like you said.
    I once told a friend about the little things that bother me and she was like I should stop taking things personally… As though it’s wrong for me to feel that way or I just want to feel that way. I hated how it was taken lightly because people don’t get that it’s little things that keep me up at night.. But the so-called “horrible” ones, I could easily brush off.

    From that day, I decided not to tell her anything that bothers me like that. I decided that she’d never understand and that’s okay… She’s not the one feeling this way.
    But that’s just me sha

    June 9, 2020
    Reply

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