Once upon a time, I was mad at God. A lot was happening at that period, I felt like all my problems were drowning me and God just stood there looking at me. He couldn’t even help me. I wasn’t asking for too much. What I asked for was a “need” and not even a “want”, yet no answer, nothing. I was so angry, I almost did not care anymore. I lost interest in reading my bible, praying (after all, God would just be silent as usual), and in any other activity that was supposed to bring me close to God. It got to the extent where I started thinking about what would really hurt God, so He could know how I felt. I became angrier when I realized that nothing I did could hurt God, at least not directly.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12 (NIV)

One day, something in me was like “calm down, why are you so angry? What do you think your anger does to God? Even if you are angry, God remains God. What you feel towards Him doesn’t change His essence, it doesn’t change Him. People go through much worse than you go through and they don’t behave the way you do”.

I remember crying and realizing that no matter what I did, God is God. In my happiness, God is God, in my pain, God is God, in everything, God is still God. I simply can’t change all that because “I’m angry”. It just didn’t make sense, instead I was just hurting me. I asked God to forgive me, to forgive my foolishness. I even wrote a letter to God from my heart. The letter was titled it “apology letter”. It was quite detailed and full of “I’m sorry”. After I wrote it, I felt relieved. My problems had not gone but I began to appreciate how God sustained me, I remembered times when God came through for me, I became more grateful.

If we are faithless, He remains faithful [true to His word and His righteous character], for He cannot deny Himself.

2 Timothy 2:13 (AMP)

Truth be told, I’m not exactly happy when I’m faced with challenges. I get a lot of anxiety, I mean a lot! But I try to use God’s word to help me with anxiety, I try to remember all the times God came through for me, I try to remember how far I’ve come because of God, I remember His promises in my life and it’s consoling, it’s refreshing. Yes, after a while, I might go back to my anxious self because I’m human, but I keep reminding myself about God’s faithfulness over and over again, so it’s some kind of circle. I also know I can’t do it all on my own, so I ask God for strength also.

Related: Waiting On God

Sometimes I wonder how those who don’t know God get through some things and I keep telling myself, if not for God, I would have died in one way or the other. I’m ever grateful for His love, His kindness His mercies and His grace. I didn’t have to be perfect for God to call me His own, I didn’t even have to earn His love, I was unworthy, yet He accepted me.

God loves you. You don’t need to be qualified to run to God, come as you are.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

Happy New month to y’all. It’s my birth month and for some reasons, I’m pretty excited. I pray this month goes well for you. Don’t forget to write down your goals for this month. If you are new to my blog, welcome, I’m glad you found this my little space. If you would like to see more posts, don’t forget to subscribe. To my old readers, I’m glad you still stick around, *hugs*.

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