The Royal Deviant

Procrastination sometimes is not because you just want to put off a work, it’s more like you’re not ready to take on such a task that has the possibility of stressing you and so you push it aside for some time. Eventually though, you just get to it but you might not be as coordinated especially when you have to meet a deadline. I’m learning to push through the hardness of a task because sooner or later, it’ll still be done because it just has to be done.

I realize that it can be hard to state what you want but it’s easier to state what you don’t want. However, what you don’t want can give you an idea of what you want. I’m convinced that everyone knows what they want. Some might have to struggle a bit to define it but at the end, they do. We all do.

When you don’t like what certain people stand for, you tend to get defensive even when they do the basic things. Today a herder came near our compound and I was already triggered. But he simply stayed near some grasses with his flock and came to ask me for water. When he did that, I relaxed and asked myself why I looked defensive, as if I was about to shout or fight him. I gave him water and he sat down somewhere near to rest. It just reminded me that we’re still all humans and just a little kindness goes a long way. I learned something new about being kind…

When there are challenges, I learn something new about myself; some negative and some positive. I’m grateful for being aware enough to take note of this. The first step to solving a problem is acknowledging it. Sometimes people find it hard to accept some of the negative qualities they have and if that’s you, I want you to know that it’s fine. Now you know the things you do, you can do better; you can work towards growth. Strive to grow and be better.

I have realized that some people get angry at you just because you did the right thing and that’s fine. They even get angrier when you don’t engage them in their insults or foolishness. Don’t engage with people that just simply want to bring you to their level. You’re not in their level. Don’t react.

There are people that have a good sense of who they are and there are those that have a false sense of who they are. It’s either they are better than they think or simply not as good as they think. Also, sometimes people tell you who they want to be when they talk about themselves and not who they actually are ATM.

Sometimes we feel anxious that we want it all to be settled but truth is, some things will scare us and it could actually because we want it to work out but we’re not sure if it will be. I’m a bit scared. But it’s fine. There are days like that. Prayer is comforting.

I was worried about doing something and I talked to my sister. She left me with the following words and I was encouraged. ‘No is an answer. ‘What if…?’ is a question’ And I’ll just leave you with that.

Today, I completed my first ever class I taught and it went well. True that the turnout was low compared to what I pictured but I’m glad it happened this way. I’ve learned what to do better and I’m glad the experiment was on a smaller audience. I was nervous at first when I started on the first day (it was a 3 day class) but somehow it got better. I guess with a larger audience, I’ll be more comfortable as compared to it being my first time. Finally, the reviews have been good and I’m simply grateful. So I guess this is a gratitude post. I’m simply learning to…

Guess I made it to day 70. That means 70 lessons so far. I was supposed to post this yesterday but unfortunately I couldn’t. There are days you feel on top of the world and there are days you just want to shrink. There are days you feel so confident and there are days that self doubt creep in. Sometimes when these things happen, especially the down part, it can be hard to stay focused. But hang on. I’m learning that.