Pastors’ kids really get a lot of attention and I guess that’s for obvious reason; they are pastors’ kids, therefore examples to other children.
You see, pastors’ kids are like every other kids out there and in addition to that, there is the pressure of being perfect, the pressure to represent their parents and the church well.
It’s good to have examples, it’s good to be great representatives of godliness but why don’t we cut these kids some slack. This is not an excuse to permit ungodliness seen in some pastors’ children or even any Christian for that matter. The aim of this is to simply make you understand that pastors’ children are just like any other children, they are just like you and I and so they shouldn’t be heavily scrutinized.
It is true that a pastor’s child has a great responsibility to represent their parents well, at the same time, it should be noted that just like everyone is discovering things for themselves and struggling, so is the pastor’s child.
Below, I will be discussing reasons to loosen the judgment belt on pastors’ children or any other church leader’s kids.
About Pastors kids
They are just like any other individual
It is important to note that as blood flows through your veins, blood also flows through the veins of pastors’ kids. Just like you are not perfect, pastors’ kids are not perfect too. You struggle with temptations and sometimes fall, pastors’ kids do too.
Because one or both of their parents are pastors doesn’t mean they have some kind of extra Holy Spirit that prevents them from being tempted or that prevents them from behaving the way a normal child, teenager or adult would do.
What am I saying? Stop setting the bar high for these kinds of people. You might do so subconsciously and I don’t even blame you; I understand, you expect more from them.
However, if you think about it, they didn’t ask to be in the position they are in and yes, they are very much aware of the high bar everyone has set for them and that leads to a different kind of pressure and pretense where they show you what you want to see. In the long run, this doesn’t help them or the image of their parents.
Their parents are not perfect
It’s true that their parents are ministers of God but the truth is, it’s not every pastor that has got every aspect of his/her life figured out. Outwardly, they may look like they do but if you get closer; you’d realize that they are not perfect. So even though they are serving God, reading and studying their bibles and praying, they sometimes neglect certain things in their lives.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that God wouldn’t use them to bless others. Of course God will because He’s faithful like that.
It’s enough Pastor’s kids are getting pressured to be “good kids” by their parents, you don’t need to add to that
Some parents try to teach their kids what’s right and at the same time, they give them little to no breathing space. An example is being too strict on them and not letting them do certain things that are not necessarily harmful like hanging out with their friends, watching TV and so on.
I believe these parents have the right intentions at heart but at the same time, they don’t help. I believe children should be given a little freedom to express themselves and not be choked. When they express themselves, you know how best to help them plus they get to tell you things as parents knowing that you wouldn’t see such as forbidden or write them off.
For instance, as a guy/girl you start developing feelings for the opposite sex or you notice certain things about you but you can’t tell your parents because you know they will think you need deliverance. Apparently, they want you to be godly and never think of carnal things. So you figure these things on your own and if you do so wrongly, it could lead to bad choices and then comes the label “spoilt child”.
The truth is pastors’ kids get the pressure to be “good kids” at home; you just don’t want to add to that, it can be depressing.
I believe in self-expression and an environment that makes it possible for kids to say what they want. That way as a parent, you help them shape their world views with the word of God and you show them they can always rely on you. With this, the child will not grow to pretend.
No wonder some parents think their kids are “godly”, but they have no idea who they are. In the end, it’s really embarrassing; it’s embarrassing to think your kid is a good example yet your neighbors and people around you know who your child really is except you.
Pastors sometimes don’t pay attention to their families
Do you know that most pastors are too busy tending to the flock that they don’t give attention to their families?
Every time there’s a problem in church, they call pastor. Pastor is settling one thing or the other; resolving marriages, advising other children and so on yet their family is there bearing the fact that their father, mother, husband or wife is giving so much attention to the church and neglecting them. This is not so for every pastor but this is the story of some pastor.
The truth is these men/women of God don’t do this on purpose and they might not realize they do this because of the passion they have to do God’s work. With this said, their homes are not even in order not to talk of their kids yet their family is supposed to look perfect.
The funny thing is they really can’t talk to anyone because in a way it’s embarrassing to show that the pastor is not doing well at home and is leading the church and so their families bear this pain and neglect in silence, behaving like all is well. This kind of neglect can cause children to misbehave. Even though they are pastor’s kids, they are kids after all.
Don’t get me wrong, not all pastors’ families are like that. Some have beautiful homes and are doing well with their families as well as the church.
Because Pastor’s kids are public image in the church, the devil is obviously not playing
Not just pastor’s kids but pastor’s home are being attacked by the enemy because they know the impact these people make. The devil knows that these are the public image, the representatives being seen. This is why we should pray for our pastors and their family. Don’t think nothing can break them or they are no more humans. They are humans and humans are not perfect also. Everyone needs prayers.
In as much as we look at the lives of our pastors and their families as examples and for inspiration, we should have in mind that they are not perfect and the too are working in God’s grace. We should also remember that we all are children of God and therefore, we should be great examples to unbelievers.
People would even say “(s)he’s a pastor’s child and behaving that way”. Think about it this way, you are God’s child and you too are behaving the way you do. I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t think it’s okay for you to fall into temptations and not pastors’ children because their parents are ministers of God. The way you use a judgmental lens to look into the lifestyle of pastors’ children, is the way you should do with your own life.
If you feel tempted and you fall, if you do certain canal thing, best believe that a pastor’s child is prone to doing that also. Let’s cut them some slack and let’s also pray for our pastors’ homes. Let’s also have in mind that the shortcomings of pastor’s children might not be a reflection of their parents.
PS. I’m a pastor’s kid. Most people don’t know that and I also don’t make it known because I don’t want anyone giving me a high moral standard of living/judgments, I’m also human.
What do you think about pastors’ kids? Are you a pastors’ child? What are your experiences?
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This post was originally published on my Medium blog by Publishious publication.