Pride can be subtle
Lately, I’ve been learning a lot about the heart. I find it interesting that we can do the right things and it’ll still be wrong because our heart isn’t in the right place and we can do what looks wrong but have good intentions. People can see outwardly your “good works”, but can they discern your heart?
I want to share a story of something that happened to me just 2 weekends ago. I recently joined the medical team in my church and they mostly give first aid where needed. You might know this already, but I’ve stopped practicing as a medical professional since October 2021 and transitioned to a career in marketing and communications.
I was supposed to be on duty (we’re normally two on duty) on Sunday (which was this Sunday that passed) and I told myself I had to refresh my memory on first aid. So I began to read about it, I watched some YouTube videos so that I’m thoroughly equipped because sometimes when you stop practicing something, you can become dull and rusty in it. That’s how life is.
On the Sunday morning of that weekend, while preparing for church, I felt confident in the work I was going to do. I mean, if an emergency came up, I could at least handle it. As I prepared, God said to me, so is this about brushing up on your knowledge of first aid because of the people you have to serve or is this an ego thing?
See, I hadn’t thought of it until then. Why did I truly do a quick refresher course on first aid treatment? It could have been so that I will be helpful to my other team member who was on duty, and administer the right type of treatment to people. I mean, that makes sense right? That’s good enough.
However, as I searched within me, I realized that the true reason was so no one would say I don’t know what I’m doing, so I don’t look like I’m not a skilled professional, so I don’t embarrass myself because I want to be seen as someone who knows what she’s doing, and maybe, just maybe, seem impressive too.
It’s crazy because I never really thought of it until God brought it to mind, and I realized that I simply wanted to look like I know what I was doing. I wanted to avoid “embarrassment”. It wasn’t really about helping people.
You see, it was subtle, but it was still there nonetheless and that’s pride. My heart had pride; it wasn’t in the right place. I think it’s interesting that pride manifests even in the most subtle ways. I was telling a friend that it’s like every season, God is dealing with me concerning one form of pride or the other. When I think I’ve conquered one aspect, God shows me another one and on that Sunday, this was a new one.
So, to you reading, when you do certain things, are they truly from a good place or is there something else to it? Maybe you should think about it. I pray God shows you your heart so you’re aware. I also pray you let God deal with your heart regarding that area.