Do you ever get one of those moments when you feel like you are over how someone hurt you but still refer to it, or anytime you think about it, it hurts so badly? Well, maybe, just maybe, you’re not over it, at least not completely.
Few days ago, I was chatting with a friend and she talked about how something someone said hurt her once but she’s past it because she wasn’t mad anymore. In further conversation, we both got to realize that she remembers it sometimes and subconsciously feel the need to prove herself to that person; to show them that she’s much better now. I told her I could relate to all that she had talked about.
One time, my roommate and I with another mutual friend were reading at the library. I sat at the table in front of both of them and I got a photo from him (this mutual friend) on my phone. I opened it and it was a picture of his view of me from behind me. He zoomed in to my head-to- shoulder area and emphasized the fact that I didn’t have a neck. Even after we were done at the library and were on our way to our hostel, he brought it up again and laughed hard. He basically was having fun with that and I didn’t find it funny.
I know in school, I was fatter than I currently am and he might have even been right, I probably didn’t have a neck. However, what he did was quite insensitive and I honestly didn’t know the aim of that action; perhaps to have fun or feel good about himself.
Sometime last month, I was preparing to go out and as I looked at myself in front of a mirror, I remembered that fateful day and it hurt but I said to myself ‘Look at you now, look at your neck, you have a neck’. This definitely wasn’t the first time this has happened to me.
I cited this example to my friend to show her that I could relate to what she said. I mean, it hurts but I was past it. Narrating this, I became emotional because similar situations with this person came back to me again.
At times, I’d be doing something and randomly remember other hurtful things he said to me or implied and I’d say to myself, ‘look at you now’, ‘see how far you’ve come’ and so on.
It was at that point in the chat that I realized I wasn’t past it at all. I simply brushed it off but deep down, it still affected me and the way I viewed myself, consciously and subconsciously. Then I heard something in my heart ‘forgive him’. I then knew I had to forgive him and this time, for real because it was obvious I hadn’t let go.
Read also: Self-pity: what it does to a person
Immediately, I sent him a DM on Instagram telling him how he hurt me and made me feel and I told him I needed him to know that and I’ve forgiven him. He replied with a voice note apologizing and I just burst into tears (Lol, quite funny to me) because that’s what I needed to hear; a heartfelt apology.
If you randomly think about hurtful things someone did to you or certain things remind you of similar hurtful moments but you keep telling yourself you’re over it, there’s a high chance that you haven’t let go.
Maybe like me what you need is to let the person know and forgive them, maybe you need closure or maybe you just need an apology. Search deep and know what you need and take a step toward it for your own freedom. Forgiveness is an action word. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit guides you as to the right thing to do.
Let go – forgive